More pictures I took this morning, discovering the simple beauty in everything around me. What a beautiful moment I had! It was as if suddenly, a fog cleared, and I could see the precision of every sillhouette, the energy fields of every flower, the contrast and lively shapes of every single thing around me. We can all see beauty in WHERE WE ARE if we are willing to. You don't need to go anywhere else to find beauty.

Posted by fruitofthewomb at 12:11 AM NZT

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Guam has many beautiful flame trees across the island, though there are hardly as many as there used to be years ago. Here is the one in our front yard:

Posted by fruitofthewomb at 12:02 AM NZT

Updated: Thursday, 3 July 2008 12:20 AM NZT

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Here is the sausage tree! Lol, ok I don't know what the real name of this tree is, but I call it the sausage tree. It is quite interesting, and beautiful, lol. I don't know what else to say about the sausage tree, but I love calling it the sausage tree! LMAO... 

Posted by fruitofthewomb at 11:47 PM NZT

Updated: Thursday, 3 July 2008 8:01 AM NZT

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Eggplant that is, LOL. These are the ones Joe planted. I just transplanted a bunch of starts that Robby brought over. He transplanted a bunch of tomato starts too. I will post pictures as soon as I take them, LOL. I am just so happy to see my garden really expanding! I am trying to be careful to let it be a gentle expansion, so I don't get in over my head. I am really enjoying this as yet another outlet for my intense desire for creative expression. Something I also realized while gardening is the power of MINDFUL gardening. I have been trying to become more aware of the way I position myself while gardening, my breathing, my mantras, and just focusing on feeling GOOD. And man does that feel good! I love creating and designing, and digging in the earth to do it is a great combination of my talents. I feel like I can take care of many things just by gardening. Body motion/exercise, breathing, fun time, getting in touch with the earth, art and creative expression, growing my own healthy food, putting more energy in and getting more from it, and of course, my kids have fun all the while, as long as I am willing to be flexible. ;-)

Posted by fruitofthewomb at 12:07 AM NZT

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There is an inherent cleansing effect that we get from water. We all know and experience that. Two thirds of the human body is comprised of water. We drink it, bathe in it, grow food with it, cook and clean, the list goes on.

As I was showering one morning, I felt a familiar transformation. The instant calming yet rejuvenating feeling of CLEAN energy washing over my body. As I did the Ho'oponopono process while showering, I had a deeper realization and appreciation of the importance of water, in all its purposes. I went in feeling crabby, apathetic, sluggish, irritable about having to deal with the rest of the day. It was one of "those" mornings. As I "cleaned" throughout the shower, I felt that lift. Something in my energy shifted. I could visualize (as I usually did anyway, even before I knew about Ho'oponpono) all the "dirt" and "stuff" just effortlessly coming off of me, my body, my soul. Any worry, any drop of stress, washed down the drain. I could really feel the energy of the water filling my being with joy and purity. An innocence. An opportunity to start fresh yet again. I came out feeling lighter. Cleaner. Filled with a white energy of love that forced a smile across my face. One version of a woman went in the shower, another came out. A simple, ordinary, beautiful transformation. I have made it a part of my daily rituals to cleanse at the beginning and end of each day, because of the power it holds to return myself to the true state of love.

Posted by fruitofthewomb at 11:51 PM NZT

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Thank you. Thank you for this opportunity to return to my true self. To return to love and remember who I am and why I am here. Once again, the memory of rage has replayed itself. I lost it over Every (almost 3) repeatedly biting Kenny (11mo) yesterday. I remember how I felt when the rage hit. I was already feeling low on energy and needing a break, but couldn't see how to give myself one. Flashes of being hurt by my own older brother when I was younger, or anyone who ever bullied me for that matter, played in my mind. I remember what it felt like, the injustice, and couldn't stand seeing that play out in my home. I felt the mother bear urge to protect the Kenny, since he was so much smaller and more vulnerable. He seemed defenseless to his older brother, and I couldn't bear to see Every take advantage of that. I felt more and more angry and resentful each time he bit him. The first offense, I attempted to calmly separate them, comforting Kenny. Then I suggested that Every might need to let off some steam, because he was getting very "energetic". I then encouraged any good behaviors that followed. Then the second offense ensued. I was beginning to lose it. "Why did you do that?!" I yelled. "Don't you realize how much that hurts? You would not like to be bitten like that! That is not ok and I will not let you hurt him." He was put in time out. I was so angry inside that I couldn't speak to him after that. I was holding a grudge. "How dare he," is what I felt. So much for trying to be gentle with him, because that didn't work! Well, not immediately anyway. This second time around, my energy was quite low, and I could not think clearly with love to execute these appropriate actions anymore. Third offense. I lost it. I spanked him. =( Not very hard, but that doesn't matter, that is just me attempting to defend my error. He was crying and scared. He yelled at me and hit me back. He screamed for a long time, he was very angry. At the time, so was I. Confusion and overwhelm engulfed me. How did we end up at this point? I knew I made a mistake, but I didn't know how to fix it. I just felt like sitting there crying myself. Every fell asleep from exhaustion. I held him, sincerely apologizing, repeating over and over that I love him no matter what and that I am trying to change.

At this point, I was scared. Was he ever going to forgive me? Is he always going to be scared of me now? Will he end up depressed? I knew I needed to take responsibility for this. Although it was very tempting and hard to resist falling into my own depression about it, feeling like a failure as a mother. I began the process of forgiving myself. I had to apologize many many times in my mind and out loud for having done what I did, until I eventually began to feel compassion for myself, and for everyone else. At that time, Every woke up, distressed and what I could only describe as shaky. I knew I must prove myself, no matter how long it would take. I could not expect instant forgiveness. I had to reassure him that I love him and that he is safe with me. It took quite awhile for him to be calm, and me to not be stuck feeling depressed and ashamed.

This morning we awoke from a good, long night of sleep. We were in good spirits. Thank god for a new day with new opportunities for a fresh start! I am eternally grateful for the power of forgiveness and love. Today I am working on staying centered, keeping my energy bank filled by reconnecting with the divine as often as I can, and remembering love. When I am reconnected and in the presence of love, I think clearly, my energy is refilled, and I know exactly how to respond in a way that is perfect for everyone. So far, the boys are playing happily and I am trying my best to be my true self. Thank you!

Posted by fruitofthewomb at 6:44 PM NZT

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Yay look at my garden grow! I am so proud. I was a self-proclaimed "Black Thumb" and look what I have done all on my own!! Well, I've had a little help here and there of course, but the bulk of it was all ME. Whoo hoo!!! The eggplants are doing beautifully, my cucumbers are too closely spaced but flourishing anyway, the basil is doing awesome, the kang kong is beginning to thrive, the pepper plant and lemongrass are doing awesome, and we just transplanted a whole bunch of tomatoes yesterday. Oh, and behind the tomatoes are a couple corn sprouts. I am so excited!!!

Here is a special spot I made...I've got special plans in the works for this spot =)

Posted by fruitofthewomb at 2:29 PM NZT

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"Don't worry mom, I got this. I got this down, while eating too!"

Kenny will be one in less than a month (7/17) and he is starting to walk now! My little turkey is so cute, wobbliness and all.

Posted by fruitofthewomb at 11:28 PM NZT

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White Ginger flowers smell soooooooooooo good! This bouquet is on my altar. I would be happy to just stand next to them all day long sniffing them, LOL. When I walk into my home, I smell them. When I come out of the shower, when I wake up, as I go to sleep, I smell them. They have this scent of vanilla cream with a just a drop of fruit juice in it... heavenly. The only thing is that they wilt and die pretty quickly, so you just have to have a lot of them, so you can pick them once a week and have on going heaven scent in your home!

   We also cut a big bunch of red ginger to go on the kitchen table. I just love how vibrant the red is, it is actually more of a magenta, and they just make me feel...ALIVE. Cheerful and bright. Womanly. There is a huge patch of these along the sidewalk outside, they are basically constantly producing, so I almost ALWAYS have these in my house! I just love flowers. Not only do they brighten up a room and add life to any home, but they give me a sense of comfort and safety. Like when life is basically upsidedown, at least I've got some beautiful flowers around my house to look at!

Posted by fruitofthewomb at 11:07 PM NZT

Updated: Tuesday, 24 June 2008 11:26 PM NZT

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http://www.wisewaysofwomen.com/forums

I love these women, so nice to find like-minded "woo woos" LOL who think of life in a more energy/spiritual aspect.

Posted by fruitofthewomb at 8:58 PM NZT

Updated: Monday, 23 June 2008 11:36 PM NZT

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Can you say YUM????!!! I ate mine with vanilla ice cream and strawberries!

You can find the recipe here: (thanks Michelle! another Michelle, lol) http://www.bakeorbreak.com/recipes/2008/06/18/chocolate-cobbler/ 

It is sooo yummy! I love super chocolatey and super rich things though, so beware, it is devilishly divine. =D

Posted by fruitofthewomb at 5:33 PM NZT

Updated: Monday, 23 June 2008 11:47 PM NZT

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Summer Solstice 2008! And an interesting one at that, with Mercury just out of retrograde, we just had a full moon two nights ago, Neptune is still in retrograde, etc... Things have been crazy lately, lots of difficult emotions have come up, lots of growth and transformation, and LOTS of letting go.

To the left is our "Wicker Man" who for us, represents God, and we honor him and his power of the sun by lighting him ablaze on the longest day of the year. We wrote on pieces of paper the things we want to let go of, and put them in the man's center.  It is a symbol of taking our worries and sending them off in the smoke of the fire, for the divine to take care of. We lift ourselves of burdens and weight. I have been feeling more depressed and filled with moments of rage than usual lately, and I hope to see that lift now. Every is slowly but surely, letting go of "Nah Nah" (yes, we've still been nursing!), and Kenny, is letting go of crawling, as he is practically walking now! So we cast a circle around the Wicker Man, thanked the divine and all the elements that surround us, and announced what we were letting go of. Every literally kissed Nah Nah goodbye, lol. We "dressed" the Wicker Man and then lit him ablaze. It was a beautiful flame, and both kids were fascinated as usual by the power and wonder of fire. We sat on a blanket eating biscuits and drumming till the flame went out. Totally a last minute celebration, but it was great! Merry Solstice to all!

Posted by fruitofthewomb at 5:11 PM NZT

Updated: Monday, 23 June 2008 11:49 PM NZT

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 Today was one of those days I woke up feeling "BLAH" and didn't really want to go through with the day if you know what I mean. I didn't feel like being a mother, and both kids were on my last nerve. I was basically choosing to be annoyed, irritable, resentful, apathetic, and depressed. I was feeling the "Why me??" for sure. Why do I have to watch both kids everyday? Why don't I get a break? Why don't I have any money? Well, because I have chosen these things I guess. Writing where I know others will be reading allows me to feel a bit more accountable and the answers to my questions seem pretty obvious. Maybe I will choose something different, who knows? Why do I feel such a big block of negative energy regarding money and my life? More importantly, how do I transform that energy?

 So here I am, petitioning to the divine. So, I am sorry for whatever I have done to create this block, these unwanted energies. Please forgive me. I love you, and know that you love me unconditionally, regardless of how I feel or what situation I have created for myself. I am sorry that I am having a difficult time feeling gratitude this morning, and wanting to be somewhere other than where I am. I am sorry I have not been a respectful mother this morning, and have treated my children in a way that I know is not right. Please forgive me. My intellect and memories have gotten in my way of my experiencing divine love, purity and bliss, and therefor my children have suffered this morning. I am sorry. Please forgive me. I ask for these energies to be transmuted to pure light, so that my children and I can experience love in the way we were always meant to, and the freedom of seeing with the eyes of God, where everything and everyone is perfect.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU!

Posted by fruitofthewomb at 10:05 AM NZT

Updated: Saturday, 21 June 2008 10:20 AM NZT

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Enjoy! I'm so proud of it, and really enjoy being in my space. I just keep getting more inspiration over time to add beauty here or there.

I have also added reminders for myself See the "breathe" and "smile" signs? I can't wait to paint the walls!! That will come in time though Any ideas on colors? I'm really wanting an earthy, light yellow, maybe some beige/brownish with orange tint, maybe some sage/mint green or something...not sure yet.

Walk in the front door:

The "living room" area

To the left (spot the nudist!)

To the right

Where we do our business LOL

And where we dream:

Posted by fruitofthewomb at 11:12 PM NZT

Updated: Monday, 23 June 2008 11:56 PM NZT

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