Topic: Ho'oponopono
Oh yeah, this is nice. What a glorious and triumphant feeling. I write by partial candlelight and my kids are playing in a pile of pillows in the living room. Happily. We are all happy and having a good time! I've got feel good music playing and...
And then there's a moment. An opportunity. Or as it felt at the time, a "problem." My older son Every decided it was time to blow the candles out (they'd been lit for a few minutes) and I did not like the idea at all. I felt the tension rise within me. Uh oh, this is a familiar feeling. Rage. I felt annoyed first. "Ugh, he's always raining on my parade" is what went through my mind. I was not happy with what I was thinking or feeling. The memory of rage that surfaced within me is NOT the real me. I said "No, we just lit them." Every began to get wild, spitting at the candles and flailing his arms around them. I panicked and gripped his arms, glaring at him, then I made the concious decision to let it go. This was harder than I thought it would be. I was angry that he was resisting. He was angry that *I* was resisting. In the moment I couldn't see past my expectation of what I wanted to happen. I wanted the candles to stay lit, it felt nice. I felt dominated by my son calling the shots and me not liking it. I realized that I do this to him all the time, call the shots whether he likes it or not and expect him to just comply and adapt to my demands. And this "problem" as I perceive it to be is just a memory resurfacing from my past, whether it be last week, last year, ten years ago, 100 years ago, or 1000 years ago. My soul remembers, because it has hung on to this memory. Only love can erase it. And to access love, one must be willing to let down the barriers of anger, resentment, jealousy, greed, fear, shame, and guilt. One must own his or her reactions and take responsibility (not blame) for what has happened. I forced myself to just release his arm and then held my head in my hands, repeating, "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry." After about 7 times, I was really FEELING sorry. At first I didn't like saying sorry. It was admitting that I was in error. But then love took over. It wasn't a big deal anymore. I said, "Ok, time to blow out the candles?" Every gleefully shouted "Yes!" We blew out the candles and carried on our merry ways, the memory erased in both of our minds. I cleared it for both of us. Before, I would have remained stuck in my grudge for quite awhile.
I've experienced this same feeling of rage with my parents, with other people in my life, relationships with men, children, women, myself. They are just memories replaying from some time in the past that I have not yet let go. But I CAN let go of each of them as they come up. It seems tedious at first, but the rewards are limitless. The freedom is almost indescribable. Overwhelming amounts of love and joy can pour into your heart. I have shocked myself with what I thought was undoable, at least for me. I've heard of other people, like Mother Theresa, but didn't think that *I* could do it to. Peace DOES begin with me.
Geeze, was it really that simple? Why was it so hard to let go? I didn't think that I was the problem. I thought that my son was the problem. His behavior. I blamed him for being defiant, when it was just a memory of my own defiance playing in my mind, and I did not like it. It made me angry. But when I took ownership of MY pattern that was showing up, everything changed inside of me. There was a shift. These were MY patterns, not his! The problem really lay in MY reaction to the memory replaying. But I know now that by saying either "I love you," "I'm sorry," "Please forgive me," or "Thank you" EVEN IF I DO NOT FEEL IT, the shift happens. I feel it later. Or sometimes immediately. I say it in my head. Or out loud. To the divine. To that which created me. I am NOT in charge, but am constantly finding myself trying to control. At first I felt defeated, but it soon turned into liberation.
What freedom to not have to feel the way I was feeling! How horrible and sad is it to look at my child in a moment of a rage memory and feel disgusted with him? How beautiful to just take out the memory tape alltogether just by saying these phrases! To let go, and replace the fear and anger with love and inspiration.
So far, this Ho'oponopono method of problem solving has transformed me far more than anything I can remember. I have felt so much inspiration! I mean, I've had inspiration before, but never like this, never so frequent! I am now striving for moment-to-moment inspiration. Life is just that much more beautiful, simpler, and easier!
I admit, it IS difficult to get over my ego, my pride, my desire to be right. In the moment, it is hard to stop, be silent, and force myself to utter the words "I love you" through gritted teeth. To love, not fight. To accept with open arms and heart, rather than resist. To be free of these icky feelings that drive us "insane." I just love love love this! Thank you for this awakening I am experiencing. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got lots of "cleaning" to do...
